just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
