Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
