you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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