My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize