I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
