called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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