Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
