another moral hangover. fuck.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
