I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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