Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
