at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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