i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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