$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
