just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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