it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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