We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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