I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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