the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
