3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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