I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
