I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
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