apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
