Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
