i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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