did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
