my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
