just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
