eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You took a bar mat shot.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
