Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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