I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
