Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
