her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish you could order shots online.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
