Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
