just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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