you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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