So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
