Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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