imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
