i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
