i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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