I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
