Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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