I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
