friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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