You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
