its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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