She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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