That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
