When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
