I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
