Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
