How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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