my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
