you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Bring me that man meat
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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