I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
