The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
