So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
