you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
