you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
