i wish my penis had a tongue
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
