he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
