Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize