so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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